One of the reasons I don't post as much in this season is because so many things going on are just too big to put into words. The Lord is really stretching and challenging us through Core, through community, etc. He is just answering prayer and healing and teaching and filling us up after such a long, dry season!
If you know Him you know how He can suddenly highlight a part of your life that you thought was fine. Or maybe you knew it wasn't fine but you just hadn't dealt with it yet. That's how I feel about our marriage. We believe in keeping our marriage first but in reality, with 4 kids in 7 years, it was pushed the back burner way too often. But this is the year for us ....year 10 actually, our 10th anniversary is in August. God is showing us things to work on but there is SO. MUCH. GRACE. Thank God. If you are married you know that the issues are big and deep and grace is required! We are closer than ever. I love that man so much.
One prayer Ive had for many months now is for joy. I realized that I was so weary in being mommy and homeschooling. I was treating the kids like they were bothering me with all the "really important"things I need to do (email, clean, etc). I dont want to live like that. So Ive been praying and He's been answering!
As I nursed my sweet Abram to sleep for the night and prayed for discernment in when to wean him, my heart just swelled with joy. I am so blessed and so thankful to get to do this. And my heart is overwhelmed with excitement with my passion for childbirth and how its playing out with photography and being a doula. I LOVE doing that stuff so much, it goes right to my soul and just blesses me like crazy.
So Im thankful. and joyful. The kids still frustrate me some days of course but I'm making more eye contact, reading more books, and giving more hugs and kisses and encouraging words. Its all because of grace. Only God could have done that in my heart. He is so amazingly good!!!! If you dont know Jesus - you need to. You really do. Its not just for some people, its for everyone. Without Him there is a part of your soul that is dead and you cant imagine life when its revived. Its AMAZING! Its not religion, its not heavy - its light and good and life-giving! Its Jesus!
Check out my sweet Jayna just a year ago.....her hair was so short and curly. Oh she was so precious.
and Abram just a year ago .... its amazing what a year can do. He was 7 months here and is about to turn 20 months old.