I came back to you, oh deserted blog, to whine. Then I remembered that I started a thankfulness series and only posted once. That just makes me want to cry more.
Hormones are rough. If you are female, you are nodding your head. Its really hard to have crazy post partum hormones when you dont have a baby to smile at, nurse and cuddle. Im thankful I have 4 beautiful blessings though, its hard to feel sorry for myself when I know how blessed I am to have them. Especially little Abram. Oh that boy is SO two and SO crazy right now with his molars coming in. But he can make me smile and remind why we do this everyday.
Its been a weepy day. Everything feels huge and overwhelming. I hate that feeling. I feel like Im slipping down a mountain side that Ive been grasping on to with all my might for too long. Im too tired to do it anymore\. Im just behind in every area (spiritually, house, kids, school) and cant keep up with life right now. (you should see my house - complete wreck)
I have good days, days of hope and energy, etc. But these weepy days, though few, are so hard. Praying for some things to change soon - in my outlook, in my disciplines, etc. Ill share more when they do actually change, right now it would just be too vulnerable and depressing to share.
So Ill end with thankfulness .... Im thankful for how the Lord has provided for us. My sweet friends brought meals for 2 weeks (thank you!!!). then my mom came to visit and bought us a ton of food. After months and months of a lean pantry and refrigerator its been nice to not have to worry about that. Kids are so much happier when there is plenty of food and snacks too, and that makes my job easier. Because we've saved money from not buying as many groceries, we have had enough for some expenses that have come up. He is so good. He feels far away because Im trapped in my emotions but I know He is there. Im thankful for healthcare too. As much as Im fearing those hospital bills that will begin arriving any day now, Im thankful there as medical care to be had and that Im still here to blog about it.
more soon. maybe. hopefully with better news.