My stinker of a 2yr old got the bottle of Melatonin yesterday somehow. I have no idea how/why it was out on the counter. It had been a few days since we'd used it and Im always so careful to put it up because the top is not childproof. He was chewing up 10 of them when I found him. My heart goes so easily back to that place of fear from when he was so sick back in June. Its so helpless to just have to watch and wait for that moment when you are supposed to know when to rush them to the ER.
Just the thought of losing him (or any of the children of course) makes my heart so sick. Last night I laid in bed next to him, stroking his head and praying, my heart bursting with love for him. And I felt the Lord say, "many other mothers have loved their children like this, and I was with them all". It was a gift of peace for my mommy heart. Of all the many mothers who have cried out to God for their children's lives, some lost their children and some saw them grow up and have children of their own. Peace isnt a promise of any outcome, but only the knowledge that He is good and no matter what He will be there in the middle of it. Thats the faith part. We have had the opportunity to experience that over and over the last 14 months or so & we have seen miraculous things happen, His provision and protection and healing.
We went to a Christmas event at the Children's hospital tonight. We have a good friend who works there. He asked us if we ever had to bring any of the children there and we had a good laugh - Noah had a frequent flyer card for awhile. And of course we came very close to being there yesterday with ABram. As the fireworks blasted forth in the sky I looked up to the second floor windows and saw crowds of beautiful, but very sick, children smiling, their eyes dancing in amazement. I pray for their mothers tonight, that they would know His peace in the middle of their storm and that He would heal their children. I pray next year they will be outside with us, huddling in the cold with cookies and hot chocolate and a year worth of stories of healing and provision.