So I didnt blog about Sunday. oh dear. Church that morning was awesome, we felt so loved and welcomed back after sickness had kept us away. It was restoring to my soul, so beautiful to worship with the Church. Then that evening we went to a Christmas performance. We went with friends but Steve had to work. Lets just say .... not so good. The kids were a little restless, the people in front of us got rude and I left. We all cried all the way to the car. I told them Id never take them anywhere again, etc. Not pretty. But we took our evening back - got home, had dinner they love (quesadillas and apples), baked some gingerbread cookies (shout out to Immaculate Baking Co) and watched Elf. We were happy again, laughed, and ended the night well. Im proud of that. and thankful.
Yesterday was another great day (thank you Jesus! these days are water to our parched souls) In the evening we drove to Grapevine to see "Journey to Bethelehem". We had to wait quite a bit and the kids were very well behaved. The actual "Journey" was way more real than I expected - hiking in the dirt over small hills, over a bridge, etc. in the pitch black night. Roman guards rode up on horses and checked our papers, and they had real camels, sheep and donkeys. They had a very realistic Bethlehem marketplace set up.... it was really neat. The kids loved the bunnies.It was COLD but the big boys especially had a blast. We ended the night with hot chocolate, popcorn and playing in their playscape. Super fun memories :) We got to bed late but its ok!
We have always been honest with our kids that Santa isnt real. We tell them about Saint Nicholas and how some families pretend Santa for fun and we should never ruin it, etc. But sweet Caleb is really thinking it all over this year. He keeps asking if Santas real, "just tell me the truth mom". I always tell him he's not but there is so much in our culture that says he is, that he asks again lol. He is so sweet and sincere. I just love his tender heart.
Pictures coming soon. These posts are boring without pictures :)
11 comments:
Yeah, R, parenting young kiddies is tuff...can relate. But... you are srsly negative: doing self-condemnation, recalling more bad than good, searching for what you should be thankful for--you are mentally conflicted and tortured. So in good spirit, I wonder: Could you use some professional psychological help before you self-combust and affect your kids?
I have no idea who you are but Im guessing you dont know me (or you think you do but you really dont). I am not tortured. I have an underlying peace and joy because of Christ in my life that has seen me through things this year that would have otherwise put most people over the edge. We have had one heck of a year including losing a baby, almost losing my son and almost bleeding to death and losing my own life. My blog is a place to be honest about my post-partum depression (which is dissipating) and the struggles which many, many young mothers struggle with (especially those with many young children like we have). If you are here to judge, please leave.
I am confident on the path the Lord is walking me down, which is a path of freedom. Im also confident that I will not "self-combust" and hurt my children. Thank you for your comment and concern but I do think you are reading more into my words than what is there.
By the way I doubt you can relate unless you also have 4 children under the age of 8. Im just hard on myself, Ive always been like that whether it was school, sports, etc. I expect a lot from myself and its the same way with mothering. Im doing better, in seeing that I do that, and choosing to do otherwise :) It is freeing!
?----what do you mean by path of freedom and it is freeing? don't get it.
What I mean by "path of freedom" is that I believe in an active and kind God who does not leave us as we are. When you have a relationship with him, you will grown and change and that includes finding "freedom" from the things that are heavy and bondage to you. For some it may be obvious things like eating disorders or drug and alcohol use (I stopped using drugs/drinking almost immediately after finding Jesus as my savior!) and for some its more subtle things like depression, criticism (of themselves or others), struggling with jealousy, greed, selfishness, unforgiveness, etc. Those things wear us down and keep us not only from having joy in our lives but beeing more free to get our eyes of ourselves so we can love and serve others better.
I do naturally think of the negative. I think part of it is influences from growing up and a natural drive to do the best I can (from my father). The Lord has been kind to help me see that I do that and blogging about the good things is about making the choice to see the good. I love my kids, I find joy in them all day long. Sometimes I look at them and just feel Ill burst with love and thankfulness. But its how I view myself that has been wrong. I have a mothering ideal in my head and trying to match up to it is not only impossible but it not healthy. He is helping me see that, and then also helping me let go of that .... freedom :)
He's done it over and over with different things and I am very thankful. He always goes deeper with us - because He loves us and wants healing for our hearts and souls :)
Wow, drugs/drinking-- that is heavy! Good thing you stopped those. OK I get it now-a relationship with God frees you from heavy things like greed, selfishness, unforgiveness. Then what? Do you (or anyone) really drop those heavy feelings, really serve others better and make up for hurting others before--or just use it to excuse those heavy feelings? Your thoughts?
What do you mean by excuse them? Do you mean pretend they arent there or make excuses for them? Im sure that happens sometimes but one thing I know is that Jesus can bring REAL freedom. By that I mean those struggles/feelings are gone, sometimes miraculously in one instant or over time, through a process of growth.
At the time I became a christian my grandmother lived with us. She was an alcoholic and I knew that she had verbally abused my mother her whole life. She was a racist and had treated a friend of mine very unkindly. I was very bitter towards her. One of the first interactions I had with God after becoming a believer, was during a sermon about forgiveness and how not forgiving can grow bitterness deep in our hearts. God came and met with me and changed me and enabled me to really forgive her - really, truly 100% forgive her. All that bitterness was lifted from me and gone forever. Same with forgiving my dad for cheating and leaving us, which came a few years later. Those were huge moments, where God gave the grace to make those things happen and really brought freedom.
There are some struggles that are more cyclical. Ive struggled with depression at different times of my life. God has come and rescued me, changed my heart, and brought me out of it. And then a few years later Ive had to deal with it again (usually after having a baby :)). Sometimes these are habits that rear their heads during times of weakness or pain, sometimes they are like review lessons :)
In the end dealing with these things head-on and letting God work in you does free you up to love others better. Going through them also often gives opportunity to love others as they struggle through the same things. I dont even know how many times the Lord has brought someone into my life where I could say, "I know how you feel, Ive struggled with that too, and this is what God did...".
Working through them with the Lord not only changes us and gives joy and peace but then God will use that to bless others and glorify His name. When we really let God work, then that freedom is very, very real!
I mean both. You may be free of those heavy struggles/feelings but if they have hurt other people's feelings, shouldn't you then try to make it up to those people? How did you show your grandmother and father that you forgave them? Do you still try to make it up to others who may have been hurt by your heavy feelings? Seems to me this path of freedom should not only ease your own mind but should also include being kind. Words and thoughts are one thing, but actual acts of kindness to those your heavy feelings may have hurt are another.
Who is this? Are you ready to come out of hiding? I have a feeling you have something to say directly to me. Please feel free to do so here or through email.
I completely agree with you. Being kind is an extremely high priority, as well as making things right, asking forgiveness for mistakes, etc. I would say loving others is more important than personal peace.
My relationship with my grandmother greatly changed after that day - I was kinder to her and it was naturally reciprocated. With my dad and I, it was all out in the open, we were honest, we both apologized, we both forgave. God did an amazing, amazing healing between us. We have a sweet relationship now and Im very thankful.
As far as making up for things Im not sure what you mean by that? If I get mad and hit someones car with a hammer then not only should I apologize but get their car fixed too :) However if I, for example, am harsh with my husband then all I can do is apologize? He is a believer too, so he easily forgives (and forgets). If someone chooses to hang on to something even after Ive tried to apologize or make things right there isnt much I can do about that.
The Lord usually burdens my conscience very strongly if there is someone I need to go to and ask forgiveness. Sometimes however thats not possible, its not helpful or its just not His will/time. In those cases all I can do is deal with it with the Lord. I always want to make it right if I should.
This has been great. We don't have to know each other to have a good talk. And I have said everything I've wanted to say. You've answered all my questions and we've been honest and replied to each other's comments sincerely, haven't we?--can't get better than that, can it?
All we can do is follow our own heart and conscience, whether we think it's God's will or our own. Whenever your conscience says you should try to make things right, I hope you will.
yes it has been good, thank you.
I will be asking and listening more closely to the Lord in regards to this subject. These kind of conversations happen for a reason.
Id just like to say one more time that if you or someone you know has been hurt by me and I dont know it, please let me know so I can make it right. I have this nagging feeling there is more behind your questions than curiosity :)
I hope you know Jesus as your savior. Praying you do and will know him more. I need Him desperately myself, cant imagine life without His love and grace sustaining me - good times and bad.
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